Friday, June 7, 2013

Twelfth Inaugural Black Fly Regatta on Saturday June 22, 2013

"At the other end of the pomp-and-circumstance spectrum is the Black Fly Regatta . . . It's tough to imagine a more irreverent rowing race - or one that is as much fun."
"Morde Me!" indeed, flies. Chip Davis, the introspective, humble, and virtuous publisher of Rowing News magazine (aka the magazine of rowing) poignantly compared the Black Fly Regatta with England's Henley Royal Regatta in his September 2009 Publisher's Note. Unfortunately, a last-minute editorial decision left staff photos of both events on the newsroom floor. Can you guess which one is the Black Fly Regatta and which one is Henley Royal?
(Hint: We're ranked #3. Royal Henley's ranked #7.)
So what are you waiting for? C'mon and join the largest swarm of scullers ever to start en masse north of the Tropic of Cancer for the Twelfth Inaugural Black Fly Regatta on Saturday June 22, 2013.
6000 meters of the Second Law of Thermodynamics.
(Hey, Chip. You didn't say which end of the spectrum the Black Flies inhabit. Are we infrared or ultraviolet?)
As long as we keep our powder dry, the shotgun will blast and the mass start will unravel at 9:01:52 a.m. EDST, more or less. Our delirious volunteers will be on hand to greet you at 7 a.m., more or less.
And don't miss the pre-regatta press conference at 8 a.m-ish. Please note I will not be taking questions.
Pay your dues
So what's this going to cost? Plenty. After all, how many Euros would you expect to pay to be at the opposite end of the spectrum from the Henley Royal Regatta? 100? 200? More? I like the way you're thinking. You can't buy this kind of insouciance just anywhere, you know. But with the Greek Banks foundering like Odysseus on the wine-dark sea, I must request you pay in U. S. Dollars this year. Don't fret. Self-restraint is the hallmark of the Black Fly Scullers. We're not gonna let this media blitz go to our swollen heads. So for the low, low, price of only $40.00 you, too, can become a member of the Black Fly Scullers for the entire year which entitles you to come play with us on the Comerford Reservoir.
Larvae and Pupae scull free -- sort of
I know it's hard to raise a swarm. And thanks to our recently approved IMF loan, the Black Fly Scullers can offer reduced membership dues for all you little larvae out there. Yep, you can join for just $10! Heck, you'll eat that much food during "Sam 'n Ella's Scullers's Breakfast." Not to mention the prizes. Talk about losing money. Now you know why the IMF is in such rough shape.
Hey, Pupae, don't feel left out. I remember what it was like to be a poor, starving, college kid. And in a few years, I won't be able to remember anything. So I gotta act now. If you are a "Student/Athalete" Pupae (aka "SAP") -- which means you are age 18 through 26, currently enrolled in college, or post-graduate school and/or training for the U23 or National Team (of any sovereign nation except Switzerland!) -- then you can pay only $20. I know, that cuts into your beer money. But life is all about choices.
I know how grateful you are. You can express your thanks by waiting for me to cross the finish line before you do.
Respect your elders!
As an added bonus, your membership entitles you to participate in the "Black Flyathlon" (copyright Black Fly Scullers, Inc. 2010), a nordic ski schuss amid the backwoods of the Northeast Kingdom which starts precisely at noon on the Saturday after the CRASH-Bs. (Details below) Two races for the price of one! Double your chances of winning a prize! Or catastrophic injury! What a deal!
Our factory-trained representatives are ready, able, and willing to process your registration.
Just click on the "Register Now!" or "Join Us Today!" tabs and you are on your way.

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